Did He Really Mean Everything?

Over the past few weeks, I have been contemplating thankfulness.  What does it truly mean to be thankful?
I chuckle to myself, as I am often quoting Philippians 2:14 to my kids "Do everything without complaining or arguing."  No one had to teach my kids how to complain or argue.  As soon as Conor learned to speak in complete sentences he was negotiating with me, and I think he was 20 months old.  As they have gotten older, they are even more skilled at complaining and arguing.  I have been trying to teach them thankfulness with our "thankful tree", and in various other ways, but then I was convicted.

This still small voice asked me:

"Do you model this for your children?  Do you complete every task without complaining or arguing?  What about the small "grrrrs....." your children hear?"  (I'm not always particularly fond of that still small voice.)  I realized that when our kids groan when they are asked to do chores, they are copying what I model many times - expressing frustration, angst, over trivial things.

So, today I went back to read the passage in Philippians.  "Did God really mean to do everything without complaining or arguing?"  I think I would have to say "yes" - it means everything.

During our time with family in Michigan for Thanksgiving, I realized how frequently I express my angst and frustration out loud at silly little things:

traffic,
the kids' rowdiness,
drying dishes that weren't clean and getting salad dressing on the dish towel,
the wireless internet not working,

I remembered the verse and realized that I'm not a very good example to my children, and the verse does say - Do everything without complaining or arguing.  The chapter goes on to say, "so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe..."

How am I shining light to others (especially my kids - because they see the real me)?  Is it through gratefulness?  I have to be honest, that personally I tend to weather the bigger trails alright, I struggle more with the the every day little things that I can control.

As I think on this even further, I realize that having an attitude of thankfulness means having an eternal perspective.  All of this stuff on earth will not last.  Laying up for ourselves treasures in heaven is what matters most.  As a saved believer in Christ, I (we) have HOPE - the ultimate HOPE of heaven.  We have salvation from our sins - we didn't have to die on that cross and suffer the ultimate penalty.  Jesus died in our place.  Even if we face death ourselves there's still hope - nothing we face, nothing is so bad that can take away that hope.

I sometimes feel that because of the many trials we have suffered with Toby, I have a right to complain - or eat more chocolate, or get a massage.  I have a right because I've suffered.  I might get someone angry for throwing this next thing out there, but when people say "Oh, no one should ever have to go through that.  No one should ever have to watch their child go through that."  Why?  What makes us so special that we deserve to never experience any type of hardship?  I honestly don't have an answer, but know that in our circumstances, if we had not gone through our times with Toby, I would not have learned to rely on God, trust Him, know Him intimately - His faithfulness, love and mercy because I would be relying on myself.

Jesus didn't deserve to die on the cross for sins he didn't commit.  He didn't deserve to leave heaven's perfection to be a man, and subject himself to being a human?  If anyone didn't have a right to experience sorrow and hardship it was Jesus.  He was led like a lamb to slaughter and yet He spoke not a word.  I have often wondered how martyrs can face death with such courage and bravery, and choose not to denounce the name of Christ or salvation.  How can they choose to die for their faith?  I think part of the secret is having an eternal perspective; this life is a vapor, and heaven is waiting for us immediately after we close our eyes in death.

Now let me throw in a bit of a disclaimer here - I don't think that the verse means that we never grieve, have sorrow, sadness, or even express constructive criticism in ways to improve various things.  It's the attitude of the heart and having an attitude of thankfulness.  I could go on and on about how we are blessed to live in America, we are so rich compared to other countries, but I won't - just to say this.  The fact is, we are blessed, our "needs" are usually not necessities.  If you have a chance, click on my sister Lynsey's blog and hear about living 3 months in Nicaragua - trust me, you'll never complain about doing laundry again!

In an effort to teach my kids not to groan, complain and mumble about having to do simple chores, I'm trying to model it in my own life.  When tempted to get bent out of shape because someone spilled sticky juice in a dripping trail across the floor, I try to change my mind-set and be thankful for having juice to begin with or clean running water for that matter, I am healthy enough to kneel on the floor to clean it up, I have children to make the messes and the list goes on and on.

I just finished reading this wonderful fiction book by Lynn Austin about three Swedish sisters that immigrate to the United States.  In the book, Sofia sings this wonderful old hymn - I will close with a few verses from the song: "Children of the Heavenly Father"

Children of the heavenly Father, safely in His bosom gather;

Nestling bird nor star in heaven, such a refuge e’eer was given.
God His own doth tend and nourish, In His holy courts they flourish

From all evil things He spares them, in His loving arms He bears them.

Neither life nor death can ever, from the Lord His children sever

Unto them His grace He showeth, and their sorrows - all He knoweth.
Though He giveth or He taketh, God His children ne’er forsaketh;
His the loving purpose solely, to preserve them pure and holy.

Wow, and that's reason enough not to complain.

My Mom - A Tribute!

I know that in writing this blog post, I'm probably going to embarrass her, but I just have to post it, and hope she'll forgive me later.  :)

Today, I need to write about my mom.  I am the oldest of three girls, and growing up I was a pretty independent, strong-willed, want my own way kind of kid.  I've always been headstrong, and when an idea gets into my head, it's pretty hard to change my mind.  (Hmmm..after typing that I realize where Caris gets it).

Between my mom and my two sisters, we have always had a close relationship.  Oh sure, we locked horns during the teenage years, I really liked to argue and be in charge.  Mom was always reminding me that she was the mother NOT me!  However, one of the biggest reasons why our relationship has withstood through the years has been just that - our parents taught us how to have open honest relationships - not perfect - but real.  They taught us how to be real with God, how to build our lives on the truth of God's word, and how to relate to each other.  My mom was always there, willing to talk, never too busy to sit in our room at night and discuss all of our triumphs, joys, and sorrows.

My mom is one of the most self-less people I know.  Through the births of all of our babies, she's been there.  Sometimes speeding through the 270 mile-trip to make it to the hospital just in time.  If mom's coming for a stay, you can count on the fact that she will cook, clean, do laundry, and clean - did I mention that my house is always clean when she leaves?  She's a gem!

After Toby was born, it was evident that we would need help more than ever.  He was in the hospital almost the first three months of his life, and my parents were there - either caring for Conor and Garrett at our house or taking them home to Michigan.  So, over the last month with both of Toby's surgeries, my mom has come again.  It was especially difficult this week because not only was Toby in the hospital, but both of my grandfathers have been in the hospital.  My Grandpa Fabian (my dad's father) had a major back surgery October 22nd, and my Grandpa MacGillivray (my mom's father) had his hip/knee replaced in two separate surgeries after the titanium rod just broke in two a few weeks ago.  Both of them have had a really rough road, and I can't imagine how hard it was for my mom to leave them to come to Ohio to help us.

I appreciate her help more than I can ever express.  Even though, we always have plenty of offers to help with the kids while Toby's in the hospital, it's hard to take up the offers when it would mean organizing dozens of people at various times, remembering who is supposed to be where and when while we stay at the hospital with Toby.  With my mom coming down, she's able to stay - keep the kids on their consistent schedule, and help maintain their normal lives - practice, homework, school lunches, etc.   One goal I've always had through this journey has been to keep things at home as peaceful as possible with the other children, so they aren't affected as much by the upheaval.  My mom allows us to do that.

She's had to give up a lot - change around her work schedule, although flexible, it means doubling up on her jobs in different weeks.  She gives up time with her husband, spending money on gas to travel, missing time with her own church activities to help us, and this time she's also been needed by my grandmothers to help them.

And this is the point where the tears begin to fall....If I could describe her, I would have to say:

Selfless, Loyal, Faithful, Servant, Loving, Kind, Full of wisdom...and the list goes.

She's an example to us and so many others of the Proverbs 31 woman: (vs. 25, 26, 28a, 30)

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.  She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  Her children rise up and call her blessed...Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."  

I know I can call her for advice, she always listens when I need her, and sometimes just need to vent.  She also has amazing wisdom - someone that is willing to give me parenting advice in gentle ways, without being judgmental.  I appreciate her wisdom and the loving way she imparts it.

My only desire is that I can be a mother just like her, and I fall so short.

Looking back over the years, I can also see God's provision in an amazing way.  My parents were really young when they were married (really young) - facing an unexpected pregnancy they had many options, and yet they chose life, marriage, and then chose God.  I was that unexpected baby, and I'm so thankful they chose life.  They've been married 35 years, and though it hasn't been easy, they have allowed God to mold, break, cleanse, and change them - not willing to be stuck in their ways - but used by God - clay in the Potter's hands.

A few months ago it hit me that even in the middle of hard circumstances 35 years ago, God was making provision.  He knew that I would need young parents to help us during these times with Toby - to have energy to play with our kids, run them to practice, and help take care of us.  I'm so thankful that indeed "All things work together to those who love God."  He can take any circumstance and use it for His glory.

So, Saturday, Nov. 24th is my mom's birthday - and in a way to honor her, I write this post.  Thank you mom for all you've done, for all you do, and all you are.  I honestly do not know what I would do without you - and am so thankful to God that He gave me such awesome provision in your servant's heart.  I love you, and pray that God will use me in the lives of my husband, children, and others to bless them the way you have blessed us.  My prayer is that I will be able to imitate you in some small way.  Happy Birthday - I love you.