Walking on the Water

The last few Sundays the messages at church have really been convicting my heart and encouraging me at the same time. We have been talking about missions and our responsibility to step out in obedience to whatever God calls us to do.  We've asked ourselves, "What is God calling me to step out in obedience to?"  Our worship band began singing Hillsong's Oceans.  It isn't exactly a new song (the album has been out a year), but it's new to me.  God has been using this song and Stephen Curtis Chapman's song "Take Another Step" to reveal some things.

Hopefully I can articulate this in the way I feel I need to, but in SCC's song - it talks about how life is like being in a marching band during a parade.  You're going along and your steps are strong and straight - the flags are waving, everything is peachy.  Then, a storm comes up.  The lightning and thunder flash and crash, and everything goes black, you aren't sure where to go or what to do.  It reminds me of Psalms 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."  I heard a pastor say once when the darkness is all around you, a lamp doesn't light up very much - it will shine only right in front of you.  If you hold it by your feet it will light your steps, you don't always see the end or see the big picture, but it will light your path step by step.  God's word does that for us through anything we face in life.  It will light our way if we allow it to guide us.  We may not see the end, but we can see the next step.  In the song "Take Another Step" the message is how as Christians we talk about walking by faith and not by sight, but it's another task when you are actually called to do this.

"But none of us can even begin to truly understand
What it means 'til all the lights go out
And there we are, nothing to hold on to
But the promises God's made to me and you.

If there's an ocean in front of you
You know what you gotta do
Take another step and another step
Maybe He'll turn the water into land
And maybe He'll take your hand and say
Let's take a walk on the waves
Will you trust Me either way

The last part of the song references two instances in Scripture where people were faced with taking steps of faith.  The first is Moses leading the children of Israel away from slavery under Pharoah's rule.  Behind them was Pharoah's army approaching fast to take them back into captivity.  He had changed his mind and he didn't want to let the Israelites go.  In front of them was the Red Sea, God caused a pillar of cloud to stand between them and the Egyptians, "Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the LORD drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided." (Exodus 14:21).  Moses had to have faith that when God told him to stretch out his hand God was going to do something.  The people had to have faith walking through the middle of that sea, that the waters would not come down on them.  Each of these steps required obedience and faith on their part, that God was faithful and He would be their salvation.

In the second part of the song, it's referencing Peter.  Jesus had just fed the five thousand plus women and children with five loaves and two fish.  Then, He made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side.  He dismissed the crowds and then went into the mountains to pray and be alone.  The boat was a long way from land and a big storm came up.  They saw someone or something walking on the water. They were afraid it was a ghost, but Jesus spoke to them and told them not to be afraid.  That's when Peter asked, "...Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.  He said "Come".  So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus." (Matthew 14:22-33) Sometimes, Peter has a bad reputation because eventually he takes his eyes off Jesus and begins to sink, BUT he was the only one to get out of the boat.  

God is teaching me that sometimes He's asking us to take steps of faith when things are going well.  Our steps are sure, and that still small voice calls us to obey Him in a certain area.  Sometimes, though, it's through trials and difficulties.  The storms come, and He's asking us to trust Him and have faith through this. We have to trust His promises: "I will never leave you nor forsake you.  So we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:5b-6)

So, this morning during church I sat sobbing while our worship team sang Hillsong's Oceans: Where Feet May Fail.  I'm pretty sure that anyone whoever sees me at church on Sunday thinks I'm always an emotional basket case. I can't explain it, but almost every Sunday, God is speaking to me through the messages and the songs - convicting me, teaching me, and yes, inspiring blog posts.  I don't know if part of it is the emotional release of praising God through song, and the fact that all week I am holding myself together, never focusing on the hardships of our journey.  Then, on Sunday I have time to stop and get perspective, to really focus on HIM (although I try to have quiet time every day).  But, it's also my day of rest, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually - a day of release to lay my burdens down (not to mention our Pastor's messages are truly Holy Spirit led).

The way this song speaks to me is that in our case with Toby, we did not choose this journey of special needs.  We didn't choose special needs, hospital stays, agony, pain, and hard things.  Sometimes people do choose this journey- God calls them to adopt children with special needs and they take that step of faith and obedience.  However, God chose this path for us - He called us anyway through allowing circumstances that then forced a decision on our part.  Were we going to trust, love and obey with how we lived our life through it or would we fight against Him, shut him out, blame Him, grow bitter, cynical, and let it destroy our faith? Would it grow our faith or end it?

The song "Oceans" says:

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"

I realized this morning, that my feet would have never wandered into this with Toby - I would not have chosen it, but God led us to trust without borders.  He has taken us deeper than our feet could ever wander. There have been several blog posts lately about how sometimes that phrase "God will never give you more than you can handle" is really not true, and I agree.  I cannot handle this in my own way, my own strength, or with more faith in myself.  It's His strength, His promises, His plan that I trust.

I also realized that if I had to go back and God allowed us to choose - I hope I would choose this path all over again...I truly think I would. Not because I'm a hero or a martyr, but because of how my faith has grown, what I've seen God do, how I've seen it grow all of us.  I often tell others I know God in a way that I never would have, had life's journey not taken us down this path.

This song is also my prayer that God will lead me into a place where my trust for Him is without borders, to take me deeper with my faith in Him. Sometimes that's really scary, and I do wonder what God will call us to next.  Not that I believe He wants to cause us pain and heartache, but He does want our faith to grow - He wants us to be ever living life dependent on Him.

A few weeks ago I was getting Toby ready for church and he said something to me that he really hasn't ever said, "Mom, why do bad things always happen to me?" (I believe he was talking about all of his surgeries). It was a really tough question and I stumbled a lot, but basically reminded him that yes what he goes through is very hard, but we still have much to be thankful for.  Then, I reminded him of heaven, and the fact that we have the hope of heaven when we know Jesus as our personal Savior (which he does).  One day he will run and not need his wheelchair. One day he will not need his trach to breathe.  He asked me, "Mom, how does God do that?"  I told him that it's through God's power - He makes all things new and Toby said, "It's kind of like magic."  I told him yes that God's power is amazing!

No matter what God calls us to do - whether by asking us to choose a path He's called us to (ahem...homeschooling) or causing circumstances to change the course of our life the hope of heaven is ever sure.  He is standing on the waves holding His hand out to us - we just have to step out of the boat.