The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Home Schooling

I haven't written much about our decision to home school this past year.  It's felt very private, I guess, and I wasn't ready for the questions or criticism that might come with it. I can tell you that it wasn't an easy decision.  Two falls ago, I began to feel this nudge from the Holy Spirit during a Bible study on Genesis and Abraham, and trust me in saying that I fought God on it for months. I would read questions like:

“What things of the world around you is God calling you to leave behind in order to follow His word and trust his promises?  In what way is He asking you to trust Him, though you cannot see ahead?”

"Where has God called you to separate yourself to Him?”

“Are you hesitating right now to answer a call from God, because you are afraid of what you might lose, rather than moving forward according to His promises?”

“As you discern God’s will in your life, whose voices are more important to you and which are you more willing to obey – the voices of your family, your friends or your Lord?”

“The thrill of undertaking a new challenge or answering a new calling always comes with a cost.”

“God calls His children to take the long-term view.  Where does shortsightedness undermine you or the future of your family?”

 “What do you look for first as you make choices?  Do you choose based on what will bring you and your family closest to God by faith?””

“What struggle with fear are you experiencing right now?  Will you trust God rather than forming a wrong strategy of your own?”

“How will you reject your fear and your own designs, and trust the Lord for His direction and protection for your life?  Will you trust the Lord to fulfill every promise He has given you in His perfect timing.?

“What are you holding back from God because of fear?  What new step of obedience has God called you to take?  Will you dare to begin to experience even in small ways God’s similar blessing on your life?”

Can you say "Dagger to the heart?"  And trust me, there were even more quotes and questions to this - I had to cut it down so this post wouldn't be a chapter in length.

We loved the schools the boys were in (Toby in one different from Conor and Garrett) - but God was moving, and so we began to pray.  Bruce wasn't as convinced at first, and so I also committed him to prayer, and eventually God moved his heart also.

How did our year go?  How is the new year beginning?

Our first year has been rough - crazy rough.  We had really good days and really bad days. There were days when the kids are fighting/arguing and driving me absolutely crazy.  There were days when I am/was hauling all four to the hospital for an appointment for Toby, and I worry about everything they are missing.  Then there are wonderful days.  Days where all four kids are playing together on their own - Toby is included. We are doing a fun experiment in science, and they are really learning the material.

The new year has begun, and this time Toby has joined us.  We joined a home school community called Classical Conversations.  It follows a classical form of education, and if you aren't sure what that is - try reading:

The Core: Teaching Your Child the Foundations of Classical Education by Leigh Bourtins
A Well-Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer
Simply Classical: A Beautiful Education for Any Child by Cheryl Swope

All three have really influenced a change in how I look at education.  I won't go into that now, but we are two weeks into it and I can say that I LOVE IT!

What I’ve Learned Our First Year of Home Schooling

1.  Homeschooling is not just doing school at home:

It's exploring, investigating, taking the time to truly learn something together.  It's doing life together.

2.  Before you begin your year or even your journey, work out your main goals and purpose and write them down.  When days are not going so well, go back to those goals and remember the main reason why you are doing this.

For us, God called us to it out of a great private school situation, I must admit, kicking and screaming.  We were comfortable, we have Toby, who is in the hospital almost every other month – I had no idea how we would make this work, but it’s worked.  The main reason was that we felt the kids needed our family to be just that – a family - moving in the same direction.  Our main goal is for our children to know Christ, to grow in our relationships with Christ and each other, and to glorify Him. That is happening - our kids are more content, settled, our life is actually less chaos.  TRULY IT IS LESS CHAOTIC!

2.  Curriculum isn’t meant to be followed word for word, step by step.  Tailor the lessons to your kids and to your needs.

                I scrapped so many curriculums last year it’s not even funny, and I bought one curriculum I thought I would love, and I didn’t.  The point is that if something isn’t working it is okay to change.  That’s been very hard for me to accept, especially when I felt like I was wasting money.  I also learned to change the curriculum to fit my kids.  Late December, I realized with a sinking feeling that my fifth-grader was in a fourth grade math book, and he’s really bright in math.  He was bored, and I was frustrated that I had missed this.  I had to let it go, we ordered the right level and will catch up this year.

3.  Sometimes four kids are all going to need help at the same time.  I needed to learn to function in chaos. 

It’s very hard for me to work in disorder and function in chaos.  I really struggle when my schedule is up in the air and the whole month is not planned out in advance.  Homeschooling has taught me to let go of that schedule and roll with it.  There were days we completely skipped the books to work together to clean the house.  Days when one appointment at the children’s hospital took an entire day and the kids were working from their backpacks.  Home schooling is about doing life and doing it together.  I really had to let go of the guilt that some weeks we were spending so much time at the hospital or missing days of school work because our son had yet another surgery.  God gently reminded me that it’s good for the kids to see how my husband and I were handling these situations, being real, and learning life lessons instead of school lessons.

4.  Keeping a schedule and being prepared is important, especially for kids that easily get distracted.

Our best days are those when I am up before the kids, have had my quiet time with the Lord, prayer, and planned our day.  I am not a morning person and so this is really a struggle.  When the kids had to be at the bus stop by 8:15 a.m. it was almost easier because we were accountable to the school to be there on time.  With home school our days are more relaxed, but I’m striving to keep that accountability in place.  It grows my relationship with God, my husband and my children.  All of us are also learning flexibility. I have one child that is very self- motivated and can complete his work without too much prodding from mom, and another that is extremely reluctant to do much without me holding his hand.  There are days I feel like pulling out my hair, but then I remember the main reason we are doing this, and we keep going!

5.  Learning happens anywhere and anytime

I used to be a school teacher. In some ways this is helpful in home schooling and in some ways it means I expect home schooling to be like a classroom, which is definitely not the case.  I am learning to create learning opportunities everywhere we are – at the grocery store, gas station, even doctor’s appointments.  Another mini-goal we have had is to teach our kids to critically think and become life-long learners. There were times when I just wanted to give my kids the answers to problems so we could be finished with the subject and move on to the next (I had to check off that box), but that’s not learning. The best way we can do this is to create opportunities for them to ask questions and search out the answers.  Instead of feeding them the answers, give them the tools to learn it on their own.  Another way is to model how we are continually learning and growing in different areas in our lives. 

5.  God is in control and He will fill in the gaps!

There’s a quote that says, “If He leads you to it, He will get you through it.”  There are days I feel extremely overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all – the spiritual, emotional, and educational training that falls on our shoulders.  The Holy Spirit gently reminds me that His power is limitless, and as it is true that I can’t do it all on my own, I can do it only through HIS strength.  We are going to make mistakes, forget things, and even sometimes completely blow it.  His grace is there to cover. A few months ago my sister and I had a conversation about our growing up years and something she said will stick with me forever.  She said, “Would you admit that the mistakes our parents made in raising us have been the biggest areas that God has used for our growth, our repentance, and our good?”  It is definitely the case.  God has used those things to teach me, grow me in my relationship with Him, and refine me.  God is so incredible that He can make something good – even out of our own sin.  I’m amazed at that and in awe of His grace.   “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8:28